There Is Beauty In Losing

Let’s cut straight to the point on this one!

Months ago in my passport, I dedicated my first travel blog to my grandfather, and I shared a little overview of my 2017 trip to Daytona Beach, Florida! I had no intention to relate this trip to my playlist, but as always the music spoke to my soul.

#TBT My Last Day in Daytona Beach, Florida 2017

As I reflected on why I came back from Florida with such joy and peace, I could not help but remember driving through Florida blasting "Lose to Win" by Fantasia. I could say this was my theme song for the trip! I have about ten different snaps of me riding through Florida singing it on at least six different occasions (and I was only there for five days). I believe every time I got in the car, I listened to “Lose to Win” and every time the lyrics empowered me more and more to HEAL - to understand that the loss I had recently experienced was what I NEEDED if truly wanted to WIN again.

Before going on this trip, I came a long way but was not fully healed from a previous relationship. How did I know I was not healed?... I was still lurking on his social media! I would always get mad when people brought up his name up in conversation. And I even questioned what I did wrong and why things ended the way they did. I blamed myself. And sadly, I lost all hope in love. 

So let me ask you this…

Have you ever been in a funk? A funk where you know the things you are feeling are completely irrational but yet you can’t stop yourself from feeling them? You know that you have so many reasons to be happy, but your soul doesn’t allow you to smile. You know that the pain you feel is not your fault, but your mind finds numerous ways to blame yourself.  And most importantly, you know you are worth so much more, but your heart won’t stop craving the things incapable of giving you what you deserve.

Have you ever been there? I sure have, and I believe the first step to getting out of that funk is to be AWARE that you are in it. Fantasia made me aware, and she gave me hope. I wish I could personally thank her for this song and these lyrics because it is that sample – sometimes we have to lose to win again. 

So let’s break down these lyrics…

🎶🎵“SOME OF YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE CAUGHT UP JUST IN HIS LIGHT DON'T WANNA TRY AGAIN, THINKING WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? WHY AM I NOT INTERESTED? CAUSE WHEN YOU'VE BEEN BROKEN, YOU FEEL LIKE NO ONE CAN FIX IT, YEAH” 🎵🎶

OMG! If you have ever had your heart broken, you should be able to relate to those lyrics. I think the first few times I heard this song the part above was the only thing I took from it. She helped me relate. It was through these lyrics that I first became AWARE that I wasn’t alone. IDK what it is about a heartbreak that makes us forget that so many others have experienced the same pain. Hell, I can look at myself and some of my closest friends - and I think it’s safe to say that -  we have ALL have experienced heartbreak and most importantly, we ALL made it through it.

It’s definitely a process. A mental, emotional, physical and spiritual process all wrapped up in one. And although going through this type of process can be very hard, it’s common and worth it!

So embrace your process. It’s okay not to be okay. It's okay to feel like no one can fix it. It okay to not be motivated to love again. Hating valentine’s day is okay! And it’s okay to roll your eyes at all the “happy” couples on social media (: Embrace your process! Hell, only a crazy person would jump back in line to the possibility of their heart being broken again after experiencing heartbreak. It takes real COURAGE to love again. We have to be brave. We have to be strong. And before going on my vacation to Daytona Beach, I had no courage at all. I wasn't brave. I wasn't strong. I was sitting in my pity party — content with being miserable and mad. I felt like I had to protect myself. Protect my heart and my peace of mind. I can honestly say, I was in a bad place - BUT GOD! *praise break* God will send you just what you need right in the nick of time. I had been skipping out on church at this point in my life, and He had to reach me in some way.

I believe He sent these lyrics to truly ignite my healing…

🎶🎵“HAVE YOU EVER NEEDED SOMEONE SO BAD? BUT HE AIN'T WILLING TO MAKE IT LAST SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA LOSE TO WIN AGAIN. IF IT MAKES YOU CRY, CRY, CRY AND ALL YOU DO IS FIGHT CAN'T GET NO SLEEP AT NIGHT? SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA LOSE TO WIN AGAIN.” 🎵🎶

The best way to get someone to open their mind up to something is to present it in the form of a question. Fantasia asked the question: have you ever needed someone? I love that she used the word NEED and not want; needed someone so bad? NEED is such a powerful word, because when you need something - it's essential to your well-being. If you want something then that a secondary desire; you could go without it.  And I don’t know about you, but I sure felt like I needed someone before, and they just were not willing to fulfill the need. No matter how "hard" we try to be - both male and female - we need love and compassion! ❤️❤️ We all want a sense of belonging and acceptance. So if a person is fully capable of fulfilling that NEED to be loved for you and they don’t - that means that is just not the person for you! It’s that simple.

I talked about this in my “In My Feelings” blog a few months ago. If you haven’t read it, I encourage you to check it out as well. A lot of time we try to hold on to stuff that isn’t for us anymore. We try to make forever exist when it's only meant to be TEMPORARY. Relationships that make you consistently cry and lose sleep at night are toxic, and you deserve more than that! Self-care is a must, and a key to living your best life is to let go of all things toxic (even if it makes you cry)!

Fantasia said...

🎶🎵“IF IT MAKES YOU CRY- CRY, CRY!” 🎵🎶

I'm a cry baby, so I've shared many tears, and I’m not ashamed to say it. Honestly, I don't think crying is a bad thing. Shading tears is a way to cleansing the soul. I remember one of my friends telling me one day "I think I just need a good cry" and that statement made me smile inside because I knew the feeling. I use to fight tears when they came, and now I embrace them because I always feel better once I release all my emotions that are built up. So never be ashamed of crying! Even on valentine’s day (if you makes you cry… cry, cry)! But don’t get lost in your tears. Get those emotions out and start on your quest to heal - to learn to love YOURSELF and to find the LESSONS in your experiences because Fantasia reminds us that..."

🎶🎵“…THE NEXT GUY IS OUT THERE SOMEWHERE” 🎵🎶

My favorite part of the song :)  Fantasia is saying enough with the self-pity. Take this "L" and move on. Because the next guy is out there somewhere. And I remember thinking to myself while on that vacation, you are in another city, you looking good, you living your best life… you have an excellent opportunity for you to meet someone new and move on with life. And I did meet someone when I was in Daytona - but that’s another story for another day - that damn Tinder! 😂😂

But what I want you to take from this is that… it's okay to lose because we always can win again. It may make us cry, it may hurt, but it’s through the process that we learn and grow. And most importantly -  it's the process that makes us stronger and better equipped for the next time around. 

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”

— STEVE MARABOLI

And like never before I felt a strong sense of anticipation for this next guy that’s out there...somewhere.  The guy that will make me happy and love me for me.  I can honestly say when I got back from my vacation; I had no desire to lurk anymore. I unfollowed my ex and deleted his number from my phone! I finally was OVER IT.

I was real with myself about what it was when it was, which helped me see that I deserved so much more anyway. I wasn't winning in that relationship. Crying and trying to make things work with a person that just simply was not meant for me. Great guy, just not my guy.  And in order to be in the right position to be found by the right guy. We have to HEAL. We have to truly embrace our healing process - and for me, this vacation was the first step.

If you are in a place where you haven't let go or haven't healed from a previous relationship. Don't be hard on yourself. Take as much time as you need when it comes to healing. If you jump right back into something without healing, you are setting yourself up for failure. Nothing broken will complement something that’s already whole.

xoxo

Courtney Marie